10 Unfortunate Facts of Life Every Adult Should Know
The reason why Digg is so amazing is because the act of browsing for interesting sites, images, videos, articles COMES TO YOU. I probably wouldn’t have found this without digg, which means i probably would never have been able to share this with you.
I got to number 6 and i HAD TO POST THIS. Its that good. So prepare for an earth-shattering, mind-blowing blogasm. ALTHOUGH i don’t necessarily agree with everything he’s saying, he’s got a way with words and i can sure as hell appreciate that.
Here’s 10 THINGS EVERY ADULT REALLY OUGHT TO KNOW, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE APPARENTLY JUST TOO FUCKING STUPID TO FIGURE IT OUT:
1. Having sex can cause pregnancy. This one seems too obvious to mention, but judging from the number of accidental children in the world, I thought it bore repeating. Nothing is 100% effective against pregnancy except abstinence, or the removal of your ovaries or testicles. (Incidentally, abortion is still legal in the US and most of Europe, just in case.)
2. If you cover your face with piercing jewelry, you may not be able to find a job. This also goes for doing weird things to your hair, and getting tattoos in conspicuous places. And for fuck’s sake, don’t give me any bullshit about “freedom of expression”, you little dumbass. You go right ahead and express yourself all you want, but body modification is not a constitutionally protected belief system. They can’t not hire you for being a Jew, but they certainly can not hire you for looking like a fucking freak. (caveat: I have both piercings and tattoos … nothing against tattoos, piercings or fucking freaks. Just don’t whine about it when you’re treated like one.)
3. It’s 2008. Racism is seriously outdated. That means, yes Virginia, it is TOTALLY FUCKING UNACCEPTABLE to refer to that black guy on TV as a “junglebunny.” Also, don’t use the word “they” as though black folks are some separate species who all think and act the same way. They’re “They” are humans, not dogs. And do I really need to remind you that “nigger” is a bad word?! Here’s a nice rule of thumb for you, dearie: If you wouldn’t say it to a black person’s face, you probably shouldn’t be saying it at all. (For those of you who really don’t get it, this also applies to spics, pakis, chinks, gooks, jews kikes, towelheads, and anyone else you care to slander.)
4. Spontaneous anal sex often involves small amounts of feces. Yes, yes it does. This point is mainly aimed at straight guys, who seem to have a frighteningly widespread lack of understanding on this issue. If you want your backdoor action all nice and sanitary, you need to plan ahead. Buy a little something called an anal douche, and find a way to gracefully suggest she use it before bed if you want a little booty nookie. If you just swap holes in the middle of the action, without such careful forethought, things often get messy … because guys, it’s a butt, and [big secret]there’s poop in there[/big secret]. And as long as we’re on the subject of anal …
5. Anal sex does not make you gay. Again, for the benefit of you straight boys. Even if you secretly want your girlfriend to bend you over with a strap on, it’s OK. You’re not gay. You know why? Because you want to be assfucked by a girl, not a boy. That’s what the whole “gay” thing is about: Liking boys instead of girls. Anal sex is irrelevant.
To read the last 5 click on the “read more” link below
February 23rd, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Yes you’re right, and young by the way….
But it’s ok to see and name things like it happens in real life.
Well done Jamie…
February 25th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
ha! number 5 ftw!
February 26th, 2008 at 12:55 am
“Spontaneous anal sex” ?????????? what your just walking down the street ,i see you and wham bam i’m in deep and covered in ” ”
o and Anal sex does not make you gay , jamie if your getting your girl friend to strap on a plastic dick , my guess is your gay ,
o,oo and clean the bong ok i can’t stress that enough
and fresh water ever sesion or 20 hits of
the pipe ok
February 26th, 2008 at 10:29 am
#3 is missing something… OH YEAH! Black people, stop calling each other “nigger” or “nigga”. That term has negative connotations and makes you sound really ignorant and is directly related to #10 in the U.S.
February 26th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
it, this also applies to spics, pakis, chinks, gooks, jews kikes, towelheads, and anyone else you care to slander
nigger in that one statement you have set back comedy 2100 years
so no more cracks about my pointy noise ok i cant help it ,it was cold realy fucking cold , i needed to warm the air befor if reached my lungs but you just giggling with your flat noised friends
ps i love u
February 28th, 2008 at 4:12 am
in all truth jamie on the social ladder , nigger is a level above mine
March 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm
I’m pretty sure the person who wrote this is a girl, but that’s besides the point.
Good article.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I mean, the original article. NOT Jamie.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:05 am
I look at your videos on YOutube. I like your blog.
March 8th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
This didn’t do much for me. And the stuff about cops is cynical. Maybe it’s because I was once a fireman, but cops, from my experience are usually pretty good guys. The stuff on American Medical care is wrong imhop. America has THE best health care. Who you gonna call? The problem is it’s too expensive.
March 22nd, 2008 at 1:22 am
Awesome funny article. I guess your comedy carries over to print. Me, not so much.
March 26th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
hay, how you doing?
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Another unfortunate fact every adult should know:
If you blog about anal sex feces in your youth, people will find it when they search you (even decades to the future, even if you deleted it) and you won’t be able to get a decent job when you grow up. It may deny you admission to a university. It may ruin your chances with a potential romantic partner. And God forbid you ever have a reckless sexually active teenage daughter, because you will have no say at what she does once she google you.
April 8th, 2008 at 2:06 am
4 and 5…. I didn’t think that pretty women thought about, let alone articulated such things!!! I’m glad I was wrong. lol.
April 10th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
So much to get a handle on this whole grown up thing
#1. Well, Im not in the market for any “wah-wahs”, (having my balls removed is a definite non-option ) so gold wrappers will have to do.
Even though my girl laughs me out because she says I don’t really know what puzzy feels like because I’ve never had sex without a condom.
She wont get me with that 1 though. I know your tricks girl
#2. Not inclined to put holes or foreign metal objects in my face. So I guess i’m cool here.
#3. Isn’t racism what made America gr8??? This country was built on it.
Hey…Im from around the way and the nigga is definitely part of my vernacular. However, I tend not to say it in mixed company. I don’t want my white friends to feel uncomfortable and for them to think acceptable for them to say it. Cause it’s not. I can say it..you can’t. Sometimes it’s just like that.
#4. Str8 guys like anal sex? Are you sure?
#5. Ok…If It doesn’t mean your gay…it just means you like it in the ass with plastic parts that resemble a male member. If thats your thing, I think you should just do you and forgo the classifications. Cause she’s wrong…thats a little gay my friend.
May 21st, 2008 at 2:09 pm
“America has THE best health care”
What a load of crap. First off, it’s a grossly generalized comment. What do you mean, specifically, by “THE best”? Further, what are you basing this statement on? Certainly not fact, as our healthcare system doesn’t measure up to that of most other industrialized nations in a number of areas.
“The World Health Organization (WHO) in 2000 ranked the U.S. health care system first in both responsiveness and expenditure, but 37th in overall performance and 72nd by overall level of health (among 191 member nations included in the study). The CIA World Factbook ranked the United States 41st in the world for lowest infant mortality rate[13] and 45th for highest total life expectancy”
37th in overall performance?
72nd in overall level of health?
41st in infant mortality?
45th in life expectancy?
So…let me get this straight. According to you, “THE best” healthcare system in the world does worse overall than 36 other healthcare systems, cares for a population whose overall level of health is worse than 71 other nations, loses more babies than 40 other countries and has a life expectancy that ranks below 44 other countries?
I know it’s almost unamerican to get your facts in order before you start lobbing your opinion around, but do try to at least have a fucking clue before you open your mouth.
May 21st, 2008 at 2:18 pm
“I can say it..you can’t. Sometimes it’s just like that.”
Patently……stupid.
The fact that Blacks frequently use the word “Nigga” or “Nigger”, simply perpetuates the negative stigma that so many decent Black people have worked for 2 centuries to escape.
Though it didn’t start that way, in the 1800’s, “Nigger” became a pejorative term in the United States. The fact that many Blacks have accepted a term that degrades their own people and put it into common useage just invites the negative stereotype to thrive in a time when it should be diminishing or already gone.
We might have a Black President next year. It’s time to stop using the word. It’s an affront to every decent person of African descent, whether you mean it to be negative or not.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
AHAAHAHAHAHHAAHAH YOU RULE AND YOU’RE HILARIOUS
Although I think it’s a little ridiculous for employers to judge someone’s fitness for a job based on their piercings/tattoos/physical appearance. I mean clearly Focus on the Family isn’t going to put someone with pink hair out there as a PR person, but I have to wonder–does it really matter if your accounts payable guy has a mohawk?